I am not the same person who started this blog exactly 5 years and 9 months ago. I’ve grown from a teenager into an adult. Some moulds are hard to break, but I can see why they need to be broken.
Maybe the very concept of a fixed-hours routine that I spurned as a teenager is what I need for structure as an adult.
Maybe the real world isn’t all that cracked up an idea as I used to think. The whole idea of growing up and becoming an adult seemed suffocating; I used to think of it as something that would deprive me of my one true love – freedom. There would be responsibilities to tend to, and my problems would be my own. But now, I feel like my freedom will come from taking charge of these responsibilities and problems, even if they are fearful to imagine.
It’s hard to think of doing this, when there is no manual to tell me how to navigate the adult world. Nope, even Google doesn’t have the answers sometimes. How do I navigate adult friendships and relationships? How do I find the time and the means for social support, and for my hobbies? It feels mildly unsettling to find that everyone, myself included, is always busy.
How do I know if the choices I make aren’t going to narrow down my choices for the future? How do I know if the choices I make are the right choices for me?
I also hope that I will not equate adulthood to being all too serious and grumpy. The one thing I’d like to take with me from – well, not adulthood – is the innocent wonder of learning more about this world around me. Maybe I want to watch the world as a kid, but interact with it as an adult.
I guess I’ll have to trust the universe on this, as I try to find the footholds.